Helen Chandler-Wilde is a news and features journalist at Bloomberg. Previously, she worked at The Telegraph writing long-reads, analyses, and coverage of the human tales behind headlines.
What’s the big idea?
When Helen Chandler-Wilde lost nearly all her possessions in a storage unit fire, she was deeply upset—and confused by the intensity of her emotions. They were just things, right? To understand her inner struggle with the loss, she went on a quest to learn the psychology of our human connection to stuff.
Below, Helen shares five key insights from her new book, Lost & Found: 9 Life-Changing Lessons About Stuff from Someone Who Lost Everything. Listen to the audio version—read by Helen herself—in the Next Big Idea App.
1. Your stuff is very important for your memory.
Memories are strange things. They can lie dormant for years until we have just the right old photo in our hands, and suddenly, images of the past are more vivid and real than things that happened that morning. That’s because of how your brain stores information. It often needs specific triggers to retrieve memories. Many times, those triggers are physical objects.
This effect can be used to your advantage. Memory boxes are a critical tool in homes for people with dementia because holding an old book or looking at pictures from the past can draw out memories that would otherwise be lost.
You might think it’s best to forget the past and live in the present, but after I spoke to the world’s leading expert on nostalgia, I found out that is not exactly true. Research shows that our ability to connect with happy memories from the past is a crucial underpinning for our sense of identity in the present. And remembering good times with friends and family helps strengthen relationships so they can fare well into the future.
2. You can buy social status with stuff, but not in the way you think.
We often talk about the role of status symbols when discussing stuff. Whether it’s a flashy watch or an expensive car, we imagine such things will make people respect us more. Research shows that yes, how you are dressed and what you own might make people treat you better—but only people who don’t know you.
There’s a difference between socioeconomic status (your position in society at large) and sociometric status (your position within your own community). Your perceived socioeconomic status absolutely can be boosted by buying stuff, but your sociometric status matters much more for wellbeing and happiness—and that isn’t affected by stuff at all.
“Research shows that yes, how you are dressed and what you own might make people treat you better—but only people who don’t know you.”
Studies show that personal traits like intelligence, kindness, and confidence are what buy lasting social status in a group. Plus, the role of status symbols has shifted rapidly over the last few decades, with wealth signifiers now being much more indirect. If you really want to show you’re rich in the Western world in 2024, it’s much more about subtly showing off your pricey university degree, having confident discussions about the latest books you’ve read, or having toned arms from membership to a discreetly luxurious gym.
So, don’t worry about what people think about you if you don’t own the right handbag. Maybe instead of signing up for that boutique hot yoga class, focus on building up your friendships.
3. When you want something, take a deep breath and wait 72 hours.
Your brain is designed to constantly want something. This very useful state of being has allowed our species to survive this long. You are actively aware of the huge advertising industry that works to make you want more things, but there is another group, too: shopping scientists, who are making you buy more without you even noticing.
I spoke to one researcher who found that he could substantially boost profits by having an employee hand out baskets to shoppers as they enter the store. Once someone has a basket, it removes the tiny snag of holding items in their hands—a tiny annoyance that can make someone buy less.
The layout of shops is also meticulously designed to get you to spend the maximum amount possible. In supermarkets, different producers fight over which products get to be on the end of aisles, and mirrors are placed strategically to slow you down, given that almost no one can avoid a quick glance at themselves in a mirror.
Retailers use simple tricks to get you to buy more, and you can use simple tricks to fight back. To start with, simply take a bit more time over purchases. Note the name of something you desperately want and return to it in 48 or 72 hours. Much of the time, you’ll realize you’ve forgotten all about it, and the desire has totally gone away.
4. Being around beautiful things is good for you.
Philosophers have been puzzling over the question of beauty for thousands of years. Psychological researchers have recently taken over the question of why humans evolved to feel beauty: What could we gain from staring at a painting or a field of flowers?
“Beauty is also related to how our brains process information.”
There are plenty of reasons, including specific ones like recognizing and remembering flowers, which can show where fruit will be in a few weeks or months, or that certain beautiful traits in a person are signs of their health and fitness.
Beauty is also related to how our brains process information. Symmetry is inherently satisfying, and our eyes prefer precise blends of pattern and irregularity. Being around beautiful things also boosts your mood by lifting your mind out of the dreary day-to-day of life and focusing your attention on the bigger picture. Tidy up your space, hang some paintings, and put a potted plant on the table—it’s good for you.
5. Very few things are truly necessary.
After the fire, I was financially stuck and could only afford to furnish my new home with the bare essentials: a bed, a sofa, some cutlery and plates, and that sort of thing. I didn’t have books, decorations, or even an iron. It even took a while to get a bedside table, so at night, my glass of water and alarm clock would just go on the floor.
Although there was the occasional issue, all my needs were met, and I was fine. I realized that we need very little. Marketing has totally skewed our natural sense of what we need, trying to plant rules in our minds, like we “have to” spend a certain amount on an engagement ring or we “must” change our wardrobes every season. This is all made up! Ignore it. Follow your own rules.
I interviewed two people who had done just that. One is a nun who owns nothing of her own except a few outfits of clothes, a pen, a pair of glasses, and some family photographs. This fastidious minimalism sounds extreme and painful, but she told me she feels richer than others. Her lifestyle might be minimal on luxury, but she knows for certain that the basics (like rent and electricity) will always be paid for, and she never has to worry about them.
The other is a former ultra-minimalist who used to live a nomad lifestyle, owning only the things he could fit into a rucksack and take with him. While this extreme route allowed him to break free from a status-obsessed life in the U.S., it also made it tricky for him to return home and settle down. Buying a sofa felt like a massive deal, and it took a while to accept that some things, like objects that can help us host friends and snuggle up to our partners, might be worth buying.
To listen to the audio version read by author Helen Chandler-Wilde, download the Next Big Idea App today:
